Husband alcohol problem
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
As i write this mail to you, I am deeply distressed with the situations in my marriage. I am married with children and would call it a good life. My concern is that my husband drinks a lot. I have tried to tolerate it, tried to talk to him nicely about it but he just ignores it. His knowledge about islam is pretty good so he knows what a grave sin it is. Yet he keeps doing it. My son who is five years old is now recognizing the bad smell and questions it. I live in the U.s.a and am so scared of the messages my children are getting at home. Every time I do my salat i pray for him and my children. Even most socializing in my home has alcohol. Is allah ever going to accept my salats and dua`as.
When he wants to have intimate relations with me and he has been drinking(which is often) I try to avoid him for fear that indirectly he is passing alchol to me. But he is my husband and I don`t want to ruin my marriage.. He absolutely refuses to stop drinking. What can I do???
As I write this to you I feel so hopeless that I am crying. The doctors have put me on antidepressants becuase I cannot deal with my situation. Please reply soon and please help me. I will forever be grateful to you
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Husband Alcohol problem
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verses 90-91:
90 O ye who believe! Intoxicants (wine, alcohol, etc), gambling, (dedication of) stones, and (divination by) arrows are all an abomination of Shaytaan's handiwork: eschew such (abomination) that ye may prosper.
91 Shaytaan's plan is (but) to excite enmity and hatred between you with intoxicants and gambling and hinder you from the remembrance of Allah and from prayer: will ye not then abstain?
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 3672 Narrated by Abdullah Ibn Abbas
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: Every intoxicant is khamr (wine) and every intoxicant is forbidden. If anyone drinks wine, Allah will not accept prayer from him for forty days, but if he repents, Allah will accept his repentance. If he repeats it a fourth time, it is binding on Allah that He will give him tinat al-khabal to drink. He (saws) was asked: What is tinat al-khabal, O Messenger of Allah (saws)? He (saws) replied: Discharge of wounds, flowing from the inhabitants of Hell. If anyone serves it to a minor who does not distinguish between the lawful and the unlawful, it is binding on Allah that He will give him to drink the discharge of wounds, flowing from the inhabitants of Hell.
In another authentic narration the Messenger of Allah (saws) declared khamr (intoxicants) as the Umm-al-Khabaaith or the mother of all evils!
Your Question: He absolutely refuses to stop drinking. What can I do???
There is absolutely no doubt that the consumption of intoxicants is the root of all evils, and under normal circumstances if the husband has a serious drinking problem and absolutely refuses to seek help, it would be best to leave such a person.
But in your statement: His knowledge about islam is pretty good so he knows what a grave sin it is there is a ray of hope! If your husband has an alcohol problem, and knows that it is a grave sin in the sight of Allah Subhanah, there is a possibility that one day he might seek forgiveness from his Lord and leave this evil habit.
Thus my beloved sister in Islam, under the present circumstances, as your sincere well-wishers in Islam our humble advice to you would be to have patience and save your marriage. There is only one thing that can take him away from his evil addiction, and that is the sincere fear of Allah Subhanah. Thus what you can and must do, first and foremost, is remain constant in your supplication to your Lord Most Merciful and seek His Help and Mercy at all times. And with extreme patience and wisdom, try to instill the fear of Allah into your husband. If possible, and again with patience and with wisdom, try to influence the company he keeps and encourage him to socialize with good righteous God-fearing brothers who would inspire him towards good deeds and help him get rid of his evil habit.
Your Statement: Every time I do my salat i pray for him and my children. Even most socializing in my home has alcohol. Is allah ever going to accept my salats and dua`as. When he wants to have intimate relations with me and he has been drinking(which is often) I try to avoid him for fear that indirectly he is passing alchol to me.
Beloved Sister, as long as, in your heart of hearts, you hate and despise the haraam as it should be despised; rest assured that you are free of the sin committed by your husband. Allah Subhanah is well aware of the condition of each in His creation, and rest assured that He Knows your dilemma and your condition better than even you yourself! Remain constant in your supplication to Him Alone, and seek His Help and His Mercy in saving your husband and your marriage.
But at long last after you have tried your best to rid him of his evil habit, if you feel that your husband would never turn back from his addiction of alcohol, you are well within your rights in Islam to initiate divorce proceedings against him, and there will be no sin upon you.
But as long as you remain his wife, it is your Islamic duty to fulfill all your obligations and rights that are due from a righteous wife unto her husband. If your husband calls you to have intimate relations with him, as is his right, you are duty bound to respond to his call. Rest assured that the evil habit of consuming intoxicants is not passed from one to another through conjugation!
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3257 Narrated by Talq ibn Ali
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire she must go to him even if she is occupied at the oven."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.460 Narrated by Abu Huraira
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the Angels will curse her till morning."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a
woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her
chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother and sincere well wisher in Islam,