Are couple marriage chosen decreed?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
my question is that, one of my friend argued that "Couples r not made in heaven" ( he meant, Its in our hand, whom we want to get marry with, no one is chossen for us in advance) which I m very disagree with. He also said, Quraan said nothing about it.
Could u plz tell me in details about this?
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Are couple marriage chosen decreed?
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Dear and Beloved Brother in Islam, you friend was indeed right in what he said that couples are not made in heaven! Who one chooses to marry is a decision each individual makes on his own, and thus he is responsible for his choice. That is precisely why Allah and His Messenger (saws) guided the believers to study the conditions, seek the consent of ones elders and guardians, thoroughly investigate the character of the suitors, and use ones faculty of intelligence to determine the best suited life partner for themselves.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5 (part): (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time, when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity, not lewdness nor secret intrigues.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."
Al-Tirmidhi HadithHadith 3090 Narrated byAbuHurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.'
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3107 Narrated by Al-Mughirah ibn Shu'bah
I asked a woman in marriage and Allah's Messenger (saws) asked me whether I had looked at her. When I replied that I had not, he (saws) said, "Then look at her, for it is better that there should be love between you."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3096 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."
If couples were Determined and Decreed by Allah Subhanah in the heavens, then there was absolutely no need for such detailed guidance and advise in choosing ones life-partners in marriage; man would simply have to submit and comply to the Choice and Decree of Allah Subhanah. Man has absolutely no choice regarding the Decrees of Allah Subhanah regarding where he is born, to whom he is born, how tall will he be, what color he will be, where and when he will die, etc.; these are amongst the Determined Decrees of Allah Subhanah and man will neither be asked nor held accountable for these Decisions of Allah Subhanah. But wherever man has been given a choice and a free will to choose: his choice of spouse, his line of work, his interaction with others, how he earns his money, where he spends his money, etc.; he himself is responsible for his choice; and thus he will be held accountable for such decisions and actions in the Court of Allah Subhanah.
There seems to be a general confusion in the Ummah when determining what part of our lives are determined by the Decree of Allah Subhanah, and what part of our lives are determined by the choice we make of our own free will which our Lord has bestowed upon us. A simple criteria of determination would eliminate this confusion in our minds:
Whatever portion of our lives is Decreed by Allah Subhanah, we will neither be asked about them, nor will we be held accountable for them in the Court of Allah Subhanah; eg. where one is born, who are ones parents, how many eyes one has, how many hands one has, where and when one dies, etc. In such Decreed matters of Allah Subhanah, one has not been given a free will and thus one will not be held accountable for the Decrees of Allah Subhanah.
Whatever portion of our lives we have a free will to choose, we will be asked about our choice and we will be held accountable for our intentions and actions in the Just and Supreme Court of Allah Subhanah.
Ones choice of ones spouse in marriage is not a Decree of Allah Subhanah, but rather a decision each individual makes of his own free will which Allah Subhanah has bestowed upon each individual as a test; thus one will be held responsible for his choice.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,