Sister seeking divorce
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
I am writing to you regarding my marriage. I`ve been married for 6 years now and I have a 5 yr old son. He`s the center of our universe. We both love him very much. However, the distance between my husband and I seems to be growing farther and farther due to many different situations that have happened back when we first met and even the ones now, to this day continue to get us started at each other. I know I loved this man with all my heart, but day after day, he proceeds to hurt me emotionally. He has never hurt me physically, but tends to joke about it, which I don`t find funny. Also, living with him is hurting me health wise also. I have started getting terrible tension headaches which I cannot bare and have had to see a neurologist and am currently taking anti-seizure medication. It makes me sad to be in this situation for I wish I could make everything better and we could be happy, but I don`t see that in our future since whenever I`m around him, I sense completely negativity. Would it be wrong for me, Islamically, to ask for a divorce. It is something him and I have discussed and most of the time, he says I can leave. However, I`m not able to support myself and my son for I am still a student at the University. I shall be done with my education insha`Allah by the end of next year. If you could please give me some insight as to if I do ask for the divorce, would I be doing the wrong thing? and if it is not wrong, how do I go about talking to him patiently about supporting us until I`m done with school. Thank you so much for listening.
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Sister seeking divorce
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Islam has given paramount importance to the concept of marriage, and guided the believers who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day to be faithful, respect and honor each other, and fulfill each and every duty with benevolence and grace when bonded in the sacred union of marriage. But unlike the other religions, Islam has treated and respected the nature or fitrah of human beings, so that if two people bonded in a marriage are not able to live their lives within the boundaries laid by Allah and His Messenger (saws), they have been given a legal option to separate if they are really determined to do so. Having made divorce a legal option, Allah and His Messenger (saws) have constantly guided the believers to respect the sacred bond of marriage; and made divorce a legal gateway only as an absolute last resort.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
The Prophet (saws) said: Of all the lawful acts in Islam, the most detestable to Allah is divorce.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2172 Narrated by Muharib
The Prophet (saws) said: Allah did not make anything lawful more abominable to Him than divorce.
Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, the conditions described by you, in our humble opinion, is one of the normal ups and downs one experiences in a normal married life. Each condition is no more than a trial, whereby Allah Subhanah tests His slaves whether they fulfill their duties and responsibilities in adversity and prosperity alike; and it is the Sunnah of Allah Subhanah that no condition, whether good or bad, stays forever.
Although both marriage and divorce are both no more than a verbal contract made between a man and a woman, the repercussions and implications of both these statements are far-reaching not only for the people concerned, but on all those around them. Thus, it does not behove a believer, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, to take the matter of marriage or divorce lightly; as this one statement one releases from ones mouth can change the course of ones life!
Although at times divorce might seem a way out of the situation, most times it opens a person to more and bigger trials. Thus a decision as important as divorce should never be made in an emotional state, but must be made only after all the pros and cons and ones conditions are carefully examined and analyzed. In our humble opinion and experience, if a person has ten reasons to seek divorce and only one reason to remain married; the one who chooses to remain married has made a better decision.
Your Question: Would it be wrong for me, Islamically, to ask for a divorce.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2218 Narrated by Thawban
The Prophet (saws) said: If any woman asks her husband for
divorce without some strong reason, the odour of
Wrong or right when seeking divorce is a condition only the people involved in the sacred bond of marriage have to determine. If one has indeed a strong reason to seek divorce, there is no sin upon him/her; but if without a valid reason one seeks or threatens divorce at every state of adversity, then indeed it would be considered a sin in the sight of the Lord.
Dear and Beloved Sister, no human beings, except the Messengers of Allah, are perfect, thus it is only natural that each person will have his set of deficiencies and weaknesses. If one focuses on ones strengths and good rather than ones weaknesses, one will definitely find a characteristic in the person which will please them to strengthen their bond in marriage. Getting married or seeking divorce are relatively easy tasks, but remaining married and living within the boundaries of Islam are where one will have the opportunity to earn the biggest rewards.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 216: But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth and ye know not.
Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: a believing man should not hate a believing woman (in marriage); if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.
Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, as your sincere brothers and well-wishers in Islam, we advice you as we remind ourselves, that whatever you do: fear Allah Subhanah and do only what is pleasing to Him.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,