Purdah and opposition in family
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
many weeks before i ask u a question about themeaning of the name but u didnt reply now i am trying again cause i wanna ask an another question plz try to reply soon i am doing sharai naqab(parda) and i am living with my inlaws my husband have 3 brothers they r not my mehram but they live with us we have 2 bedroom house and one bathroom it is very difficult for me to live there but i am trying my best my husband`s 3 number brother is abnormal he is 20 years old he is not my mehram but i go infront of him his brain is smalll like 5 or 4 years child am i doing right or wrong i have to go infront of him or not u tell me he is abnormal but he knows who am i he talks not much but make us understand what he want he can walk he can do every thing but his mind is small i got married in feb 2003 that time i wont do parda(naqab)(sharai) but before 5 months i started to do sharai parda when i started my inlaws had very bad reaction on me they said y u do all this how we live in one house like that and they also dont want me and my husband to live in seperate house they said if u do this dont try to meet with us again this is my problem now i am pregnant 9th month i want my child to grow in islamic way i wanna tell my baby to live in sunnat tareeqa i dont want him to c television but my inlaws they r not walking in this line they dont pray 5 times they watch television and dont understand what we have to c on television or we have not indian film movies they saw them i am very upset i dont understand what i have to do my husband also dont say anything in this matter plz help me
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In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
May Allah Subhanah reward you for your intentions and your striving in obeying His Commands and His Laws. Regardless of what others say or whether it pleases them or not, our striving and our intention as believers in Allah and the Last Day must always stay focused on earning His Pleasure and Good-Will, and the abstention of His Wrath and His Anger.
Your Question: my husband`s 3 number brother is abnormal he is 20 years old he is not my mehram but i go infront of him his brain is smalll like 5 or 4 years child am i doing right or wrong i have to go infront of him or not u tell me he is abnormal
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Noor verses 30-31:
30 Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.
31 And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah that ye may attain Bliss.
If your husbands brother is abnormal and does not have the sense of the shame of sex, there is absolutely no harm if you uncover your hijaab in front of him. But if he has the sense of the shame of sex, then you wear your hijaab in his presence.
Your Question: i am very upset i dont understand what i have to do
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 64 Surah Taghabun verse 16: So fear Allah as much as ye can; listen and obey; and spend in charity for the benefit of your own souls: and those saved from the covetousness of their own souls they are the ones that achieve prosperity.
Beloved and dear Sister in Islam, regardless of what your in-laws do or say in their house, your duty and responsibility is to fear Allah as much as you possibly can and strive to stay within the boundaries of Allah and His Messenger (saws); for the reward of the believers is with Allah Subhanah Alone.
Indeed, we can only imagine the extent and severity of the trial of a true believer who tries to obey and follow the commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws) when everyone around them is bent on openly disregarding them. But if you act with wisdom, and patience, and perseverance and stay steadfast on the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws), it is expected that one day you will earn their love and their respect for your obedience.
Beloved and dear Sister in Islam, although a wife is well within her rights in Islam to ask her husband to provide her with a separate house if she wishes to live separate from his family; she does not have a right to demand that the husband live with her; for the man has an obligation to balance his duties as a son as well as a husband.
In our humble opinion as your brothers and sincere well-wishers in Islam, we feel that by separating yourself from his family, you might put yourself and especially your husband in a bigger trial than what you are facing now. In our humble opinion, it would be best to have patience and try to win their hearts with your noble deeds. It may be that Allah Subhanah guides them to the Right Path through you, and reward you generously from Himself on the Day of Judgment.
But if you genuinely believe that your staying with your husbands family would be too much of a trial for you, whereby your obedience to the Commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws) may be compromised; then Islam has indeed given the wife the right to ask her husband to provide her with a separate living, and there would be absolutely no sin upon her.
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can be assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,