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Engagement and talk

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)


One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

assalamu alaikum
dear brother,you are doing a very good job for people and i appreciate you for that.may god bless you in whatever you do and shower his blessings on you.
i have a question regarding talking to people whom we are engaged to.the story goes like this.
one of my friend is engaged to her cousin before 5 years .the boy is now in germany and she is in us.he wanted her to speak with him over the phone and chat with him atleast once in a week with the third person near him ,but no one around her.both their family members are planning to get them married only after two years.i know it is not acceptable in islam to delay the nikkah once they are engaged.their family members did it without knowing and they dont pefer talkin with each question is that can they go against the will of their parents and morever can we have anyone as a third person because his friend of his age who is studying with him (a non-muslim)has been a third person for him all this while.can he be considered as a third person and can they talk like this for two more years?please do not delay in posting this answer and please do not send answers from the forum.i want a clear ,detailed explanation for this question.send it as soon as possible


(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)




Engagement and talk

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.


Beloved sister in Islam, the truth of the matter is that an engagement has absolutely no legal basis in Islam; thus the boy and the girl remain non-mehram to each other and as such it would not be permissible for the two to meet or talk in private.


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3118 Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab

The Prophet (saws) said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Shaytaan makes a third."


To make or arrange for the friend of the boy to be third to circumvent the above law of the Messenger of Allah (saws) would not be considered righteousness! The principle behind the guidance of a boy meeting or talking to a non-mehram girl in private is so that both can abstain from putting themselves in a position of sin. If at all the boy and the girl need to talk or meet, it is imperative that the guardian of the girl should be present with them to ensure that proper and righteous behavior and talk is maintained.


If the boy and the girl are engaged to be married in a few years, it would be only right if one or both of them could talk to their elders and get them to perform their nikaah as soon as possible, thus giving them a legal status of husband and wife. There is absolutely no harm for them then to meet or talk in private, and there is absolutely no harm if they wish to live as husband and wife together after the planned period of two or three years. That would be the righteous thing to do in the sight of Shariah.


But if they continue to talk to each other in private, or try to circumvent the guidance by involving a third person who happens to be a friend of the boy; it would indeed be considered a sin in the sight of Allah Subhanah.


If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can be assured of being led astray.


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.


Your Brother in Islam,






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