Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Asalaam o Alikum,
Dear brothers, I hope you all are fine and in good health. I have been on to your website and reading questions and answers and felt very happy to see that you reply questions by giving evidences from Quran and sunnah. May Allah reward you all ppl and team working in this Jehad.
Brother, I am v upset these days. I dont know what to do. I need your precious advice in this respect. I hope you will be able to satisfy me. First of all, I would like this message to be confidential. I dont want it to go online and I trust you ppl that you wont send this email to everyone. May Allah give you its ajar and sawab for keeping privacy.
My brother, i am feeling ashamed of myself of writing this all. my story is about a girl whoom i met 3 years back. she fall in love with me first and then forced me as well. i tried to stop alot but then eventually i admitted that am also in love.. let me know tell you here. I met her only once n very first time n also in front of my parents. we kept in touch via phone n emails. anyway, recently I have found out that she has been flirting with me for the last 3 years. I have been honest with her all the time and have always told her good things n have always talked to her that our parents will talk to each other and then we will do arrange marrage. but she betrayed my all trust. but anyway, am happy n very thankful to Allah that I have came to know about the reality. she still doesnt know this that I have known whats the reality is. Its only my Allah knows that I have always been honest with her. anyway,
now one of the thing which is worrying me the most. I read somewhere in an islamic book, that if a man and woman say to each other 3 times that ' I marry you, do you accept me?' and if she replies back 'yes' (all of the 3 times) then they both got married.......Now, i regret I did this mistake. I fristly explained her this and then i asked her and she replied back yes... i did this over phone and there was no around hearing this other than her and I.
Honestly, I didnt do this for any further relation with her, as i have already told you i met her only once and told her that nexttime will meet her again with her parents. so now, I have said this and she too had said 'yes', i dont know whether I got married with her in real or not??? please reply me back if possible in 2-3 days time. i am feeling so bad that i did that. the only thought made me doing this that at least by doing this she will become my wife and we wont be doing sin by talking to each other, as i know our religion doesnt allow non-mehrams (man and woman) to talk privately....that was only the reason i did this... now i am regretting it.
please advice me what do i do next??
did i really got married with her??
if yess then how can i divorced her??
please advice i really want to end up this relationship! shall i talk to her last time n tell her that you betrayed my trust and everything is over now and dont contact me anymore???
brother, many thanks for reading my emaill.. i am desperately looking forward
ps: please dont 4get, not to put my question n answer online.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
The following are the obligatory conditions of Islamic Nikaah or marriage. If even one of these obligatory conditions are missing, the Nikaah will be deemed null and void.
Proposal by the groom and acceptance by the bride.
The determination of mehr
Two witnesses to the nikaah contract
The Wali or Guardian of the bride (there is a slight difference of opinion amongst the jurists in Islam whether the wali is an obligatory or voluntary condition of marriage. The Hanafi school of thought states that a marriage done without a wali will be deemed legal in Islam.)
Marriage or Nikaah in Islam is a public and announced affair, and not a secret intrigue between two people. If a man in private conversation proposes to the girl, and she accepts his proposal; even if this routine is done a hundred times, and a hundred times the girl accepts the proposal of the man.but if the mehr is not determined, nor are there two witnesses to this contract; the contract will be deemed null and void in the sight of Allah Subhanah, and will have absolutely no legal binding in the sight of Shariah or Islamic Law.
Your proposal to the girl on the phone or in person, and her acceptance (three or a hundred or a million times!) do not make you and the girl husband and wife in the sight of Allah Subhanah and Shariah. You remain a non-mehram to the girl, and she remains a non-mehram to you until all the obligatory conditions of marriage are met.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,