Sex before walima
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Assalam O Alaikum wa Rahmatullah, InshaAllah, iam getting married very soon (10days), My question is : What are the right of mine towards my wife and her paremts/relatives. Is it must to have sex on the same night after nikah or before valim. i heard people saying to have sex is must before valima. Please, reply immediately Wassalam
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Sex before walima
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
May Allah bless your marriage and bestow upon your wives and children who are tranquil and pleasure to your eyes. May Allah make you a source of reward for your parents, and make your children a source of reward for you in the Hereafter. Ameen.
Q-1: What are the right of mine towards my wife and her paremts/relatives.
Brother, the question of husband and women rights in a marriage is so vast and varied, that it would require a full book if one was to list all the rights due from the husband to the wife in all circumstances, and the rights due from a wife to the husband. It is almost impossible to list the rights in this small article. Therefore, we will try to give you an overview of the Quranic principles and foundations of the rights and responsibilities that are required by the husband and the wife in an Islamic marriage.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 228:Wives have the same rights as the husbands have on them in accordance with the generally known principles. And men are a degree above them; and above all is Allah, the All Mighty, All Wise.
Islam has given both man and woman certain rights, responsibilities and duties according to their nature. All the financial responsibilities of the household is the responsibility of the man. Even if his wife is a millionaire, she is not required to spend a penny of it on the household, if she does not wish to. It is the responsibility of the man to provide for her food, clothing and shelter according to his means.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:Men are the managers of the affairs of women because Allah has made the one superior to the other, and because men spend of their wealth on women. Virtuous women are , therefore, obedient (to their husbands); and they guard in his absence what Allah would have them guard (their honor, their property, etc.)
In Islam, each family can be considered a small State, and Allah has appointed the man as the leader of the state, because of certain natural qualities and because they provide for the family from their means. But having been given the position of a leader in Islam does not mean that the man becomes an arrogant and oppressive dictator like the leaders of the world! In Islam, when one is made a leader, his duty is to fear Allah, and serve, protect and maintain harmony in his state, by being a just, benevolent, and a loving servant-leader.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rum verse 21: And of Allahs Sign is that He has created for you wives from your own species, so that you may find peace with them, and (Allah has) created love and mercy between you. Surely in this there are many Signs for those who reflect.
Allah himself says that he has created the relationship of husband and wife, so that we may find peace and tranquility in this relationship. And Allah has put love and mercy between the spouses, in this sacred relationship of marriage. But this love, respect, harmony, peace and tranquility can only be experienced if both the husband and wife fear and obey Allah Subhanah, and give all the rights that are due to their spouses.
It is reported that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said in an authentic narration: The whole is a provision (from Allah), and the best of the provisions is a righteous wife.
Thus, in conclusion, what is required for a peaceful and loving marriage and a good wholesome life, is first and foremost the fear of Allah Subhanah; that one day everyone will have to stand alone in the Court of Allah Subhanah to give a full accounting of all his deeds. Once this God-consciousness and piety is developed in the person, he will always try to obey Allah and thus do all his deeds in the best manner, giving each the rights that are due to them.
Q-2: What are the right of mine towards her paremts/relatives.
You have to give the same rights and respect that you give to your parents and relatives, to your wifes parents and relatives. You must feel a sense of honor and consider it a favor that these people have raised this woman, given sacrifices, spent on her, loved her, cherished her, taught her, educated her and when she reached an age, they presented this lady to you in marriage! You must thus honor them and respect them, just as you respect your own parents and relatives.
And if you can do that, your wife will treat your parents and your relatives in the same manner as you treat hers resulting in a loving and caring environment and marriage.
Q-3: Is it must to have sex on the same night after nikah or before valim.
As soon as the nikaah ceremony is performed, the man and woman become husband and wife, and it becomes legal to go to each other. There is no such obligation in Islam, that one has to have conjugal relations with the wife immediately after nikaah or before or after the walima feast. The couple are legal for each other and they can have conjugal relations whenever they want.
Q-4: i heard people saying to have sex is must before valima.
There is no such injuction in the Holy Quran or the Sunnah of the Messenger (saws). You may have conjugal relations with your wife anytime after nikaah. It is upto you and your wife and no one else!
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,