A BROTHER SENDING A QUESTION WITH LOTS OF PAIN

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:



ASSALAMU ALAIKUM WA RAHMATHULLAHI WABARAKATHU

                                I AM SORRY FOR SENDING A LONG EMAIL.BUT I HAVE TO CLEARLY SAY A LITTLE ABOUT MY HISTORY.THEN ONLY YOU WILL UNDERSTAND MY PROBLEM.MY NAME IS NABIL.I AM RESIDING IN THE PLACE NAMED KOLLAM FROM KERALA IN INDIA.I HAVE A DOUBT REGARDING MY LIFE.I LIVED AND STUDIED IN SAUDI ARABIA.BUT BEFORE 4 YRS MY FATHER LOST HIS JOB AND WE CAME BACK TO INDIA.ALHAMDULILLAH WE HAVE A BUSINESS HERE NOW.COMING TO THE POINT.I AM 24 YRS OLD.AROUND 10 YRS BACK WHEN I WAS AT THE AGE OF 14, I HAD AN AFFAIR WITH A GIRL FROM HYDERABAD.THAT WAS WHEN I WAS STUDYING IN MY 9TH GRADE. THAT TIME ITSELF I WAS SERIOUS ABOUT IT.BUT PEOPLE WILL SAY I AM AN IMMATURED BOY.I DIDN’T TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION.AS THE TIME PASSED MY LOVE FOR HER INCREASED.BUT THE WORST PART IS I NEVER SPOKE TO HER IN MY LIFE.ONCE I CALLED HER HOME IN SAUDI AND IT ENDED UP IN A BIG MESS. HER FATHER CAUGHT ME AND HE CALLED MY HOME BACK AND SCOLDED MY FATHER AND HE ALSO THREATENED MY FATHER BY SAYING THAT HE WILL CALL THE POLICE AND GET ME ARRESTED, AS THERE IS SOME RULE LIKE THAT PREVAILING IN SAUDI.YOU MUST KNOW THE SHARIA’AH LAW.I DON’T KNOW ABOUT IT.THE WORST PART IS STILL I COULDN’T TELL ABOUT MY LOVE TO HER.MY FATHER SCOLDED ME.I GOT WORRIED AND I TRY TO HARM MY BODY BY TAKING AN OVERDOSE OF SOME MEDICINES. BUT MY PARENTS DIDN’T KNOW ANYTHING.ONLY MY FRIENDS KNEW ABOUT THIS.BUT ALHAMDULILLAH NOTHING SERIOUS HAPPENED.I JUST ALMOST FAINTED AND WAS ALMOST NOT CONCIOUS FOR A DAY.BUT  I ACTED LIKE NOTHING WAS WRONG TO MY PARENTS.AFTER THAT I CAME DOWN TO INDIA FOR STUDYING MY DEGREE COURSE.THERE AGAIN I HAD AN AFFAIR WITH 3 GIRLS ONE AFTER THE OTHER.ALL OF THEM REJECTED ME.ONE GIRL CHEATED ME.BECAUSE OF ALL THIS I BECAME MENTALLY VERY UPSET AND I CONCLUDED THAT I WAS NOT HANDSOME ENOUGH THAT A GIRL COULD LOVE ME IN THIS LIFE.THEN AGAIN MY MEMORIES WENT BACK TO THE FIRST GIRL WHO I LOVED SINCERELY WHO WAS FROM HYDERABAD.THEN SLOWLY I HAD THE FEELING TO DIE BECAUSE IF I DON’T GET HER,MY WORLD IS AT AN END.I WANTED TO DIE BADLY.BUT I WAS SCARED OF SUICIDING BECAUSE I KNEW THAT IF I SUICIDED I WILL ONLY GO TO HELL.BUT I WANTED TO DIE.I FOUGHT WITH MY PARENTS MOST OF THE DAYS.I STARTED HATING MYFELF.I WONDERED WHY ALLAH GAVE ME THIS SICK LIFE.AND AT LAST MY PARENTS TOOK ME TO A PSYCHATRIST.AND THE DOCTOR SAID I AM IN REALLY BIG TROUBLE.AND I SHOULD BE TREATED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.HE SAID I AM SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION.ITS ALMOST 5 YRS SINCE MY TREATMENT IS GOING ON.NOW MY QUESTION IS WHAT BIG SIN DID I COMMIT THAT ALLAH GAVE ME THIS PUNISHMENT? I SUFFERED FROM LOTS OF PAIN BECAUSE OF THAT GIRL.I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY ALLAH SEND THAT GIRL INTO MY LIFE.I USED TO SIT AND CRY MOST OF THE DAYS AND NIGHTS THINKING OF HER.I BECAME A CHAIN SMOKER AND I AM STILL A SMOKER.AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP SMOKING ALSO.I FEEL SAD BECAUSE SOME OF MY FRIENDS WHO LOOK HANDSOME GET GIRLFRIENDS AND THEY ALSO SLEPT WITH MANY GIRLS.I DON’T WANT TO SLEEP WITH ANY GIRL OTHER THAN MY LEGALLY WEDDED WIFE.AND I DON’T HAVE ANY BAD INTENSIONS.BECAUSE I FEAR ALLAH AND I KNOW THAT HE WILL ASK ME IF I COMMIT ANY SIN ESPECIALLY HAVING ILLEGAL SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.I DON’T BELIEVE THAT ALLAH IS GOING TO GIVE ME A GOOD GIRL IN THIS LIFE AS I AM NOT THAT GOOD LOOKING AND HANDSOME.MY ONLY PRAYER IS I WANT TO LIVE WITH MY TRUE LOVE THAT IS THE GIRL FROM HYDERABAD ATLEAST IN HEAVEN.BECAUSE I EVEN LOVE HER NOW ALSO.ITS 10 YRS SINCERE LOVE.I REALLY WANT AN ANSWER TO MY QUESTION.WHAT SHOULD I DO TO FORGET HER? BECAUSE I KNOW I WONT GET HER IN THIS WORLD AND IN THIS LIFE.BUT I WANT HER BADLY.I AM NOT VERY MUCH INTERSTED IN HAVING SEX WITH HER.ALL I WANT IS TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH HER,YES I KNOW SEX IS ALSO A PRT OF IT.I THINK THE ONLY SOLUTION IS I SHOULD MARRY ANOTHER GIRL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.PLEASE HELP ME.I AM REALLY FEELING SAD ABOUT THIS MATTER.HOPE YOU UNDERSTOOD MY PROBLEM.PLEASE REPLY TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Brother it is important you take control of your emotions and put all your trust in Allah swt. No one gets everything that one desires. Love is a very unreliable situation, as after some time your loyalties and emotions go else where and there is no explanation about this phenomena. That is why most love marriages fail.

 

You have to face up to the fact that the Hyderabad woman is never going to be your wife. You have to request your parents to find a nice bride in your home town who will love and cherish you. You have to become realistic and accept the realities of life. If you delve in your past stupidity the outcome will only be misery and your life will be worthless.

 

Every son of Adam a.s. has been given one lifetime as a test. Your hereafter will depend on what you did in this lifetime. No woman is worth the trouble of committing suicide and bearing everlasting punishment of the hell fire. You know this. So snap out of this phase, honor your parents and live your life according to the commands of Allah swt.. You know you have a slight medical problem, don't exaggerate it and fall into unnecessary depression.

 

May Allah swt make your trials easy.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Members of Islamhelpline