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Differences between parents: What should children do: ..

 

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

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Assalam alaykom. I hope you can advise me islamicaly. pls forgive me for the long story but i wanted to be as fair as i can be. My parents are in their 60s and 70s now. 21 years ago my father decided that he wanted to get married again and left with out explaining to anyone exactly what his plans were including my mother. at the time i just got married at the age of 20years my other siblings were 17years 14years 11years 8years and 5 years. when he left we were under the impression that he went to do some kind of business back home. he came back after a month and than went back again after buying a car and sending back home. 2 months later we heard he got married. in the meantime my mother was left with the 5 kids left her with unpaid rent he even took with him child benefit book. She didnt know how she going to manage i was living at home at the time . my father was very controlling she never even had her pay packets she used to have give them to him unopened otherwise big rows would happen. i cant remember weather it was few months or more later he came back. My mother allowed him in although she did not accept the marriage and had no plans to accept it she had been through this before and thought he would divorce this women again. They continued like this for over 18 years, she never accept him as her husband he did not support her or the kids . he continued to come and go although she would ask him to leave he would stay for few wks and than return back home to his other life. the few years have been the most difficult as he decided he wanted to bring his 2 other kids here . he wanted them to be part of our lives but not only that he wanted us especially me to look after my young sister whilst he goes back and forth between here and back home. ive helped with paper work he lived with me whilst he was waiting to be given his own place all this with my mum disapproval i wanted to be fair. Now i feel he is asking the impossible i cannot cope with my own kids leave alone another child. i told that if his intention was to live in this country than divorce my mother legally and bring his wife to look after her own kids,]. he doesnt want to do this as he this thinks its this country that spoilt my mother otherwise she would have accepted him after his marriage and allowed him to do as he pleased. i sometimes speak frankly to him and tell him what i think and i see it and he finds this disrespectful. i have explained he has wronged my mum as she has lived without a husband for over 21 years and now she is old and aloned. his reason not to divorce was in order to keep ties with us. not fair on my mother to sacrifies her youth so he can keep ties he could have done that on other ways. i dont blame him for getting married as i know they were not happy. but i dont agree with the way he has done it. i also dont mind him having more children but he needs to look after them not me or anyone else,# he has not given my mother her share in what they built back home over the years when they worked together. She had to start from scratch by herself. if he claims all those years he saw her as still his wife . why didnt he support her and his kids. i love my father i have always stood up for him in his ubsence as i know he is not all bad but he cannot see clearly in how he wronged my mother and brothers and sister, all the children alhamdo liallah are good muslims and have forgiven him and try to keep a relationship with him. his thinks that i have influence over my mother and should get to accept the idea of me looking after my sister. He also thinks that its me that pushed or didnt stop her from starting a case against him for her divorce back home. i want to have a good relashionship with his as i want to please Allah . I have tried every way to make my father see why my mother is angry and resentful but he cant see it . he feels he is the one that is wronged as she is trying to turn us against him. but i can honestly say this is not the case we are all adults now with own kids and we can think for our sleves. we just feel he is unfair to her and even that we can accept but don;t ask us to look after your children. please tell should i not be so frank with my father AS iam hurting his feelings although this is the truth.

Jazakom Allah.

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Answer:

Differences between parents

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Brother the differences between your parents is primarily not the concern of the children. They have to sort it out keeping the Fear of Allah swt between themselves.

Having said that, you as the son and your other brothers and sisters are duty bound to serve your parents to the best of your abilities. There is no option in this matter. If for any reason you annoy or say something harsh to anyone of them you will be severely responsible to answer in the just court of Allah swt.

Brother if your father requests you to look after your foster sister and you can do it even with a little difficulty you should take up this task and earn a huge reward from Allah swt.. Your father is aged and where do you expect him to go for help especially for his daughter. This becomes your duty and you should share your rizq with your foster sister willingly.

If you can make peace between your parents, that of course would be best. If not then you should not take sides and leave them to settle their matters. All the time be exceedingly polite and duty bound to both, especially the mother. You should never be the cause of their misery under any circumstances. This is the guidance of Islam towards ones parents.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is only ones. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brothers and well wishers in Islam,

 

Members of Islamhelpline

 


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